The Business Networking Tips - The First Seven Seconds: Making the Best First Impression - The Two Most Powerful Instant Rapport Techniques

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While all of the tips and techniques you'll learn in this lesson are important, this section has perhaps the highest value. Master these two techniques and you'll be well on your way to masterful communications.

Keep You A Focus

We all like to talk about ourselves. And we all like it when people are interested in us. Remember to keep the focus on the other person during most of the conversation. Here are some tips to do that:

• Listen. No, I mean really listen to what the other person is saying. By paying close attention to the words that the other person uses, you will be able to pick up on topics that are important to them. For example, if you are talking about the weather, and the other person mentions, "Yeah, this rain is great for my garden," you may want to ask about the garden. It is obviously important enough to the other person to bring it up. Suppose someone says, "Well, since it's supposed to rain this weekend anyway, it'll be a good time to get all those interior projects done." Notice the choice of words: interior projects. He didn't say cleaning. He didn't say bookwork. He said projects. That implies it's more than routine chores. It's a good clue for you to ask, "Oh? What kind of projects? Are you doing some remodeling? Some painting?" You get the idea. So often I hear people completely miss opportunities to follow up on key words in conversations.
• Reflect. Reflect back to the person the words he or she uses. If someone says, "I'm going sailing on my yacht this weekend," don't ask, "Oh, so how long have you had your boat?" Thud. Conversation over. You have just insulted this person. She chose the word yacht for a reason. The same goes if someone says to you, "Yeah, I try to work out at least four times a week. Sometimes, though, I find it hard to get to the gym." It wouldn't be wise to say, "I know what you mean; I seem to never be able to get to my club." Well, la-dee-dah, Mr. High and Mighty! There are all kinds of examples of this: job vs. career, gig vs. booking, contract vs. deal, deal vs. agreement, meeting vs. session. Listen well and reflect. Remember: people like people who are like themselves. If you start to use the same types of words and phrases as the other person, you will subliminally be saying, "Yeah, we're pretty much alike, aren't we?" When you hear someone say, "She and I just seemed to click," it was probably that the two parties were using the same or very similar language.
• Avoid the "me too" syndrome. We've all had this happen to us. I hate to admit it, but the "me too" syndrome happens often among women. I'll never forget the time I was on the phone to one of my girlfriends, pouring my heart out to her over a boyfriend who had just broken up with me. I had just barely gotten into my story when she blurted, "Oh, honey! I know just what you mean. But that's nothing compared to what happened to me. Do you know what my last boyfriend did to me? Well, he . . . " She hadn't even heard me. I didn't need a boyfriend-bashing session; I needed empathy. A simple, "You seem really hurt. Tell me more," would have sufficed. Instead, she jumped right into her "me too" story. The same applies in a business situation: If someone is telling you about how she enjoyed her last business trip to Tokyo, don't jump in and say, "Oh, I was in Tokyo back in March. And you're right, it's a wonderful place!" You've just taken the focus off the other person and put it onto you, and that's a put-off. Save your Tokyo stories for much later in the conversation -- after you've heard all about her trip.

Strategic Questioning

Not Twenty Questions, but strategic questioning! What is strategic questioning? It's asking about the other person in a way that doesn't make them seem as if you are interrogating them.

How do you know what questions to ask? It depends on the situation. In small talk (which the first two minutes of meeting someone usually are), your questions should be relevant to the function you're attending, or follow up on something the other person mentioned. (Note the earlier example of the person who mentioned he had some interior projects to work on. You may ask what they are, etc.)

If the conversation has moved from small talk to big talk, or business issues, then there is a specific method to use.